4. "To Do" Lists and "Positive Self Talk"
as "Road Maps" for Overcoming Adversity and Achieving Personal
and Professional Leadership Success Through Empowering Self and Others
Key to success in any endeavor is the level of one's perceived sense of
helplessness (its impossible; nothing I do will matter) as opposed to
a sense of optimism (this can be done; what I do matters). The American
Psychological Association states that Martin E.P. Seligman's theory of
"learned helplessness" is the "Landmark Theory of the Century."
His book on how to overcome it, Learned Optimism: How to Change
Your Mind and Life, has been called "one of the most important books
of the century."
Seligman defines "learned helplessness" as "the giving-up
reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever
you do doesn't matter. Explanatory style is the manner in which
you habitually explain to yourself why events happen" (p. 15).
Hence the importance of "self talk." Seligman goes on:
"An optimistic explanatory style stops helplessness, whereas a pessimistic
explanatory style spreads helplessness" (p. 16).
This is about what Schuller calls "possibility thinking", which
is a step beyond Peale's "positive thinking." Seligman
again:
Learned optimism is not a rediscovery of the "power of positive"
thinking.' The skills of optimism
do not consist in learning
to say positive things to yourself. We have found over the years
that positive statements you make to yourself have little if any effect.
What is crucial is what you think when you fail, using the power of
'non-negative thinking." Changing the destructive things
you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals
all of us is the central skill of optimism. (emphasis added)
Lists and recipes are all about how to change destructive
thinking through "self talk".
The "clue concepts" here are learning and theatre. We
can influence a great deal, on our own, as the dramatists or playwrights
of our own lives, and change the scripts of helplessness we have been
given and lived with. Learned helplessness. Learned
optimism. The "Q's" have a lot to do with this:
quotients: IQ, EQ, AQ (Intelligence quotient, emotional quotient,
and adversity quotient).
Three recent book titles tell us what we need to know about the "Q's",
and help us to better answer the question "How well am I handling
the "Q's"? How can I learn to handle them better?
Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ, by Daniel Goleman,
discusses EQ , which we can control and improve. Outsmarting IQ,
by David Perkins, suggests, paraphrasing Sandra Scarr, that "opportunity
breeds predestination". How does one take advantage of opportunity?
Be believing he or she can. Hence: Adversity Quotient:
Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities, by Paul G. Stoltz, which deals with
AQ. AQ is also something the individual can control and improve.
Note that IQ (intelligence quotient), is considered the least important
Q for success of however many "Q's" are out there. This
is poignantly seen in this quote from Calvin Coolidge:
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent
will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education
will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence
and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on"
has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
The resolve behind persistence comes from learned optimism and positive
self-talk.
Handle the "Q's" by (1) adding business knowledge and self understanding
through Stoltz's
CO2RE and others, (2) by considering weekly the "Ben Franklin 13",
and (3) by "staying the course" with Napoleon Hill's Think and
Grow Rich's "6 ways to turn desires into gold" (p. 36), by following
his "13 action steps to success" by overcoming "the 6 fears"
(p. 222), & by avoiding the "31 major reasons or causes of failure"
(pp. 120-126)?
In his book Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities,
Paul G. Stoltz builds upon Seligman as well as 500 studies since then.
Stoltz demonstrates of how results can be obtained instantly and that,
with practice, made permanent. His "recipes" are clear,
and are repeated below in Section 16:
List of 3 stages, p. 285-287: (1) Dreaming
the Dream (higher AQs allow imaging of greater possibilities); (2) Making
the Dream the Vision (higher AQs take action on the dream, recognizing
the need to separate out the possible realties and sacrifices and then
work accordingly; and (3) Sustaining the Vision (able to continue the
ascent of the climb without being distracted or taken off the path;
higher AQs are fueled by the relentless effort required to forge ahead.
List of 15 levels of profiles reflecting AQ
from low to high, pp. 128-137.
List of 22 ways to destroy your follower's
AQs, pp. 260-263
List of 44 ways to boost your follower's AQs,
pp. 264-273
List of 5 distracters and three reframers
for interrupting destructive personal responses so that you can alter
your emotional and physical state to put you on the climb back to a
higher AQ (another form of "self talk," of "as a man
thinketh, so is he").
In his chapter 5, Stoltz lists AQ profiles reflecting 15 levels of AQ.
His presentation is summed up in CO2RE (control, origin and ownership,
reach, endurance). He urges the use of lists to gain control over
adversity, gain appropriate perspective on the adversity, including taking
the appropriate responsibility, and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
In this way, the origins of the adversity can be better perceived/understood/interpreted,
to better enable one to take ownership of one's own responsibility in
getting there and for getting out, in order to reduce the reach (extent)
of its influence, and thus reduce its endurance.
Stoltz concludes his book with Chapter 10, on how to create and lead a
high AQ climbing culture, as one leads one's followers from unconscious
incompetence to conscious incompetence to conscious competence to the
ultimate: unconscious competence. Indeed, it could be combined
with Covey's concept of the "Habit 5-6-7 Culture." And
although getting "pumped up" and "energized" by any
of the motivational practitioners of the $24 billion motivational industry
is wonderful at the time, the problem is that once the "post-group
euphoria" recedes, the motivation to make changes in one's life quickly
dies. Being momentary they get "pumped up" but then become
motivationally dismantled and give up, without the "addicts"
"hit" of another presentation.
A safer path is to work towards a higher AQ, following "The Science
of AQ" (Chapter 3), developing a climber's habit of moving through
hopelessness and helplessness to sustaining a vision that leads to helpfulness
and hopefulness. Character counts (p. 32). This "new
conceptual framework for understanding and enhancing all facets of success"
is discussed in more detail in Section 16.
Thus: to achieve personal and professional success, we need to have
a plan, set the goals needed to meet the plan, and then develop the "to
do's" of the routines and scripts for our different roles and, where
appropriate, practice them. We need to empower ourselves by realizing
we not only can make choices but that we must make choices. The
same in true in working for others: to empower them is to enable
them to realize they have a choice, and that the choice is theirs.
The key is to work together to create common understanding and engage
in a negotiation that enables both "sides" to choose what will
best enable them to meet their goals, as well as negotiating with our
own inner self to get the best possible performance and goal reaching
for ourselves. The key is to set goals and to use the goals to set
plans, and to then work the plans.
Critical to this is to now make "to do" lists. Write them
out and check them at night and in the morning, and act on them in between.
Recite them to yourself. Self-talk them to yourself, so as to prevent
distractions from sabotaging your efforts and keeping you from taking
actions that reflect a plan aimed at meeting your goals.
Think of these lists as road maps, just as marathon runners follow a road
map for their runs. This is what runners do to prepare for their
runs. This entails taking steps forward, taking action, and making
strides, in order to turn the map into reality. The successful ones
also "talk to themselves" about what they are doing and how
they will win. So must all of us. We have to develop a new
role for ourselves, the role of runner, and develop routines to maintain
that role, routines dealing with daily exercise, sleep, diet, etc.
To keep our routines it helps to make lists. This is the same for
all of us. Thus, think of these lists as recipes, recipes to follow
to "bake" whatever cakes of life you have in mind for yourself.
The key to developing the best recipe/steps that work for you is to define
your roles and then develop the routines to practice daily to maintain
them.
Use these lists to set goals and to evaluate how well you are doing in
meeting your goals. To make it easier, break your goals down into
objectives. Then break these down into procedures, with time targets.
These are your steps/recipes to take/follow, your "lists" of
"To Do's. List the schedule for doing so; list the resources,
people, and time you need. Then commit to your lists. Every
day review your lists and then make a new one for the next day.
These are your steps for the day. At the end of each month review
for positive patterns/habits you want to refine and patterns/habits you
want to change or eliminate. Redefine your roles/routines for meeting
your goals. Use the "self-talk" of section
11 below to keep you mentally and physically at your most optimistic
best.
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